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Running a business and running a family have similarities. Both have a lot of moving parts, can require you to wear several different hats, and can be simultaneously exciting and frustrating. Unfortunately, you can’t fire family members.

Keeping a household in order can be very challenging and overwhelming at times. It can feel like you’re taking on water and working desperately to scoop buckets of ocean out of your boat.

In this episode, we want to talk about borrowing ideas from business that can help patch the holes in your boat and get your family sailing smoothly.

Highlights, Takeaways, & Quick Wins
  • Have a routine and a schedule in place so everyone knows what to expect from day-to-day.
  • The more you operate by a schedule, the more automatic it becomes and the easier it gets.
  • Give your children chores to save yourself time, so you can focus on other aspects of your role that add value to the family.
  • As we grow up and interact with people whose goals may be different than our own, it’s important to know how to navigate conversations around conflicting goals.
  • A task list makes accomplishing regular tasks a lot easier for kids.
  • Let your child decide whether or not what you think about their successes and areas for growth is valid or applicable to them.
  • Make family meetings valuable by understanding the purpose of meeting.
  • It’s really valuable for kids to have the experience of having contributed to something.
  • When you first start a family, assume that it’s going to be a lot harder to get focus and structure than you think it will be.
Show Notes
  • 03:08 Ben: Even though I’ve been doing freelance for a while and running my own businesses, I still feel relatively new to building a business and business systems. I’m familiar enough with some of the practices that as I’ve thought about the way they can apply to how we run our family, I see many opportunities for ways to relieve a lot of stress, to make things run more smoothly, and to automate some things so we don’t have to think about them. I wanted to talk about this today because we’ve recently started incorporating some of these practices into our family, and it’s relieved a lot of stress and tension across the board. I want to share some of the things we’re doing and go through a list of some business practices that you might be able to apply to your family to make things run a little bit more smoothly.
  • 04:16 Rachel: There is a really good book called The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler about running your family as a business.

Start With a Schedule

  • 04:39 Ben: This is probably the most obvious thing, and many families do this, but if you don’t, you have to get on a schedule. Scheduling is essential to knowing week to week what’s going on, preparing for things that are going to be happening down the road, and having everybody on the same page. That can look different for different families. Some people use an all digital system. We use a whiteboard calendar. Some people write it down on paper. Whatever method you choose for this, scheduling is really important, and that’s step zero.
  • 05:27 Rachel: I think you mean calendar, because a schedule, to me, is more like scheduling out your day hour by hour. Calendar-ing is step zero.
  • 05:47 Ben: It’s really frustrating when you’re not keeping track of those things, and then you’re suddenly surprised by, “Oh, there’s a birthday party tomorrow that my son wants to go to.” They’re kids. They don’t think about reminding you the week before. It’s the night before or even the day of when they’ll say, “Oh, hey, there’s that birthday party thing.” That’s just how it works. You don’t want to have to carry that stuff around in your head. The second layer to that is the actual day to day scheduling.

Have a routine and a schedule in place so everyone knows what to expect from day-to-day.

  • 06:33 Very recently this became a lifesaver for me. Most days, I have the boys in the afternoon while Rachel is working. They’re getting home from school, and there’s quite a bit of craziness between trying to get them to put their stuff away and do their homework. Sometimes, there’s laundry they have to put away, and in the meantime, the younger ones need to be managed. Until I implemented a schedule, I felt like I was running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. I finally sat down with them and I said, “Okay, this is what we’re going to do guys,” and I wrote it out. We talked about it, and I even asked them for some ideas.
  • 07:22 I said, “Would you prefer for this activity to be here or here?” Jadon decided that instead of coming straight home and having to put all of his stuff away right away, he would rather do his 20 minutes of reading time first. We said, “Okay, that’s fine. That will be part of your afternoon schedule.” That helped relieve a ton of stress. It hasn’t been perfect, but the more we operate by a schedule, the more automatic it becomes and the easier it gets. There’s always room to deviate from that if you need to, but you can’t break a routine if you don’t have one.

Automation

  • 08:14 One of my favorite things to think about in terms of business and making things run more smoothly for your freelancing or whatever you’re doing is automation. In business, automation comes in the form of either using an automated system on your computer to accomplish a task you do over and over again or in the way you implement some process. In the family, automation can look really practical, like something we do with Subscribe and Save through Amazon.
  • 08:55 Rachel: We subscribe to all of the basic needs that we have, like soap, toilet paper, and all of that, so we don’t even have to go out to the store. We’re going to become hermits.
  • 09:10 Ben: I’ve said before that my goal is to never have to go to the store again. It will work for groceries soon. We’re at a place where it’s going to come down to whether we have enough money to afford the services that are already available or whether we should wait until they’re more affordable or convenient. Now, we don’t have to think about whether we have enough toilet paper. That was a huge problem before.
  • 09:48 Rachel: Mostly because our twins like to put it in the toilet and watch it crumble.
  • 09:57 Ben: We don’t have to think about, “Do we have enough soap?” If we tend to run out of something, we’ll increase our order or the frequency or whatever. That’s all automated. That gives you such freedom. Having household basics shipped to your house is a little thing, but it’s one less thing to think about so you can use that mental energy for other things in your family. That’s one form of automation. Another form could be implementing a routine with your children and making it a habit. That also takes time and some teaching. We’ll talk a little bit more about delegating tasks later, but I taught the older three boys how to fold their clothes, hang them up, and put them away.
  • 10:54 I worked with them for a few weeks, and now, most of the time, I can tell them, “It’s time to put away your laundry.” I show them where it is, and they’ll take care of it. That’s not something I have to do anymore. It’s getting done, because it’s become routine and habit for them.
  • 11:17 Rachel: Another one would obviously be after dinner chores. We have a little chart that’s kind of like a pinwheel, where it rotates every week. All they have to do is check their name and what their chore is, and after dinner is over, that’s what they go do.

Giving your children chores saves you time so you can focus on other aspects of your role that add value to the family.

  • 11:47 It doesn’t add a ton of value to the family for me to put everybody’s clothes away, to be honest. There is value in a tidy house, but there are other things I can do that add as much if not more value.

Budget

  • 12:11 This is probably an obvious one for most people, too. It may be considered a step zero. There are some interesting ideas on having a budget, but you have to start from a place of values. How do you value your resources? What kind of values do you have around spending, saving, and investing? For our family, a budget is a tool we get to use that shows us what we’re spending money on regularly so we understand what our baseline needs are. This is really powerful in business. You know that, in order for a business to continue running, it needs to make at least this much money. If the business isn’t making at least this much money, we can’t keep doing what we’re doing.
  • 13:06 That’s really important when it comes to determining the viability of projects or clients you might take on. In the family, things that we do as a family can cost money. There are costs that go beyond the basic operational costs, and that’s why we have savings for different things. Those savings become goal markers for us so we know what our goals are. One of our goals is to be able to replace our air conditioner. That’s not necessarily considered the base operating cost, but it’s an important piece of the puzzle.

The budget allows us to keep track of how we’re spending money so we’re not tempted to overspend and we can see where everything is going.

  • 14:06 We actually keep this in a spreadsheet. I like that we do that, because as our children get older, we’ll be able to show them on paper what it actually looks like instead of trying to describe it for them or make them come up with the pieces themselves.
  • 14:23 Rachel: I feel like that’s really important to teach our kids, too—everything we can about money. When I went off to college, so many of my friends didn’t even know about what money management was, and most of them immediately got into really bad debt. Nobody ever taught me, but I had a sense that I only had this much, and that was all I was going to spend.
  • 14:53 Ben: The thing that concerns me is that I was absolutely not that way, and we have boys.
  • 15:01 Rachel: Already, they say, “Can you just buy this for me and I’ll pay you back?” No.
  • 15:07 Ben: I had to tell Jadon yesterday, “I don’t lend money. I either give you money or I don’t, and I’m not giving you money right now.” I was a little bit gentler than that. I don’t want to say that, left to our own devices, we’re not as in control of our money as we should be, because I like the idea of having self-discipline. Sometimes, the structure of the budget makes it easier for us to say, “I can’t spend that, because the budget says this is where we are.” It becomes something we can point to and say, “No, this is what the budget is, so that’s what we’re going to do.” It takes energy and discipline to keep yourself from spending money you don’t have. Some people come by that easier than others. I want to foster that kind of discipline, but having the structure in place really helps.

Projects & Goals

  • 16:26 I love the way that projects and goals work within business, and I’m going to talk about them as two separate things first, but there are also some similarities. When it comes to projects, a lot of times, we see things that we’re doing as a family or things that we’re working on, even something simple like tidying the house, as a bunch of little tasks. If you talk about it as a project and say, “This is project ‘tidy the house,'” it’s a fun way of teaching your child the difference between a project and a task. That’s going to be valuable when it comes to how you pursue goals and structure your journey toward your goals.
  • 17:25 Thinking about things in terms of projects is nice, because it gets everybody on the same page in terms of what you’re ultimately trying to accomplish. Instead of saying, “You need to sweep and mop the floors,” and leaving it at that, you can say, “Part of your role in helping us complete this project is sweeping and mopping the floors. That’s one of the tasks, and that task belongs to you.” I’ll get into task lists and stuff in a little bit, because that’s been super helpful for us.
  • 18:08 When it comes to goals, goals can be similar in that you can have a goal of getting the house completely tidy, but you can also talk about bigger goals you have as a family. You can talk about individual goals that each person has. You can also talk about how those goals can be similar and help each other along, or how some of those goals might come into conflict and how to figure that out. Those are really important life skills.

As we grow up and interact with people whose goals may be different than our own, it’s important to know how to navigate conversations around conflicting goals.

  • 18:52 We need to learn how to know when to accomodate somebody else’s goal that might come into conflict with yours and when might be the right time to say, “I’m going to pursue my goal right now, and we’re going to shift some things around. You’ll get your turn later, or maybe this situation doesn’t work for us to work together.” Those are important tools to have, and teaching those in the family setting can be really powerful.
  • 19:23 Rachel: Every New Year, when Ben and I make goals, we try to encourage our boys to also make goals for the year that they can work toward and to pick one creative project a year that they do.
  • 19:39 Ben: It’s really difficult at first. To be honest, one of the projects the boys had was doing a children’s book, and you would think, “It’s just a children’s book,” but there were all of the steps involved of writing the story and then knowing how to break up the story so it would fit on each page and knowing how to illustrate it, and then coloring it in. For both me and the boys, it gave us a picture of what it really looks like to have a goal and to experience some of the tedious things that happen along the way. There were several pages that our oldest just didn’t want to color in.
  • 20:29 Because he was kind of in a hurry to see the finished product, he would rush through his drawings, and they weren’t quite his best work. It was really interesting, and it was good for them to have that experience.

Tasks

  • 20:53 Obviously, in order for any goal or project you have to be actionable, it’s got to be broken down into tasks. Tasks, in this sense, are just verbs, like sweep the floor, mop the floor, clean the toilet, or whatever is on that list. I’m talking about a lot of cleaning the house stuff. What can make it a little bit fun is to come up with a task list, and this is really just using some organizational techniques. The task list and being able to physically check things off was something I used a lot in my businesses. Every day, I’m using some form of task list to get things done. It only recently occurred to me that the boys might feel like they could get more accomplished if I made something similar for them.
  • 21:57 I actually came up with an afternoon check list for when they get home, and I put it in a sheet protector so they could use an erasable marker and check off the items on their list every day. They do that in the morning, too, when we can find their sheets. That’s another system that needs tweaking. That task list really works well for them. I wonder if there’s research behind why this happens, but it seems like things we do over and over every single day don’t seem to stick.

A task list makes accomplishing regular tasks a lot easier for kids, because they don’t have to think about what else they need to do.

  • 23:04 Rachel: With the task list, we don’t have a designated place for it, so they tend to get lost. When I notice things like that, I try to jot it down. We have this household binder where Ben and I pass notes when we’re trading off the kids, little notes like, “Hey, they didn’t clean up these toys, so they don’t get to play with them again today,” or whatever. I always try to make a note in those places. We need to find a place for the task lists, so they don’t get lost. It helps to have notes like that so we know that this is a problem that we need to fix.
  • 23:43 Ben: That kind of goes back to automation, which is for anything that you’re encountering as a problem consistently.
  • 23:51 Rachel: You’re going to save yourself a lot of time.
  • 23:56 Ben: Most of the time, it comes down to coming up with some kind of process you can implement to make sure that piece runs smoothly every time. I’ve found that family life is very complex, so it’s difficult to stay on top of all of those things. It takes some time, so you’re not going to get it all running smoothly at once. Being aware of that and being purposeful about finding those things and putting processes in place is moving in the right direction.

Meetings

  • 24:34 For people who work for companies or who run companies and have employees, meetings are seen as this necessary evil. A lot of people feel like meetings are a distraction and they don’t really help get things done. I want to be careful about how we use this, but I do think that meetings, as a part of regular family life, can be very beneficial if done the right way. The way you make a meeting valuable is to understand what the purpose of the meetings is, why it’s happening, and what needs to be accomplished. Stick to that script. With kids of a certain age, your meeting may look useless.
  • 25:35 The purpose of those meetings may be more about getting them familiar with the idea. I liken it to when our one year old sits down with the book and he’s watched us turn the pages, so he does that. He’s flipping through, and sometimes he’ll even babble while he’s doing it. It’s powerful when you demonstrate something, where even though they don’t quite yet understand it, you’re helping them build a framework for something you will be doing consistently in the future.
  • 26:11 Rachel: In our home, we call this Family Council Meeting. I have a notebook where I take notes. We try to do it weekly, although we’ve gotten lax in the last couple of weeks. We typically ask three questions, and one of them is, “What did we do well last week?” We go through and celebrate the things we did well. “What do we need to improve on for the next week?” We talk about little problem areas, which, for us, usually looks like boys staying at the dinner table, putting their stuff away whenever they get home, or leaving their clothes out. Sometimes, it looks like relationship stuff that we need to work through.
  • 27:03 The last question is, “What is my specific role in those things we need to do better?” We assign each other roles, like, “This person is going to be the encourager this week,” things like that. It helps solidify our family, and we also get to have a conversation around the things we feel didn’t go well. Some may feel like other things didn’t go well, and it’s a sweet time.

Family meetings can be hard to do with young kids because they get a little bit silly, but it’s practice for when they’re older and they do have things to say.

  • 28:06 Ben: There are types of meetings that I really like for family life. There are regular meetings that talk about logistical things, like making sure that everyone is on the same page as far as the schedule and the calendar for that week and everyone is on the same page in terms of budget. We track all of the spending for that week and put it in different categories, and some of those the kids are involved with and some are just the two of us. Then there are the meetings that have more to do with the relationships, individual goals, and family goals. They’re a little bit more long term, vision, and value-centered meetings. Those are the two types of meetings that are important to have on a consistent basis.

Evaluations

  • 29:14 The similarities kind of break down between a business and your family in that you can’t fire your kids. You can discipline them and correct them, but there isn’t a write-up system where, once they get three write-ups, they go on probation and then they get the pink slip.
  • 29:38 Rachel: Sometimes you want to.
  • 29:43 Ben: One of the things I remember about being an employee is that we had what were called Employee Evaluations, and these were quarterly. It was a little bit of a stressful thing, as I remember.
  • 30:00 Rachel: It was very results-based. Whether or not you kept your job was based on your results in your particular area of employment.
  • 30:10 Ben: It makes sense. Businesses value things like whether an employee is adding value to the business by what they’re doing according to what their role is within the business. The manager has all of those things in mind, and that’s the value lens through which he or she is judging or evaluating an employee’s performance. When it comes to the family, the family’s values should be the lens through which we “perform an evaluation,” but it’s not a criticism or anything like that. I imagine myself sitting down with our oldest, Jadon, and saying, “Alright, three months ago, these are the things we talked about that you thought you were doing really well and the things you wanted to improve on. These are the goals you had that you wanted to accomplish.” We would talk about those things.
  • 31:24 Rachel: I think that putting that more in their hands is more valuable. Ask them, “How do you think you did?” Guide them in that. When someone tells us, “Here’s something you can do better,” and we come up on an evaluation, we know how we’ve done. Putting that in their court, with a little bit of guidance, is really valuable.
  • 31:59 Ben: It’s good to have both. It’s good to encourage them to have their own opinions and ideas about those things—what they did well, what they could improve on, etc. It’s also good for them to have an outsider’s perspective on those things. We don’t sit there and say, “You’re seeing that completely wrong. This is how it actually was.” It’s good to say, “This is what I observed/experienced/remember.” You’re saying that you own your own opinions and ideas about the child and what they did and that they own their opinions and ideas about what they did.

Let your child decide whether or not what you think about their successes and areas for growth is valid or applicable to them.

  • 32:57 That’s how I see the role of evaluations working well in the family setting. It is a moment where you get realigned with the values of the family. You are reminded of your personal goals and of the family’s goals, and it’s an opportunity to recalibrate to those things. Karma in the chat said, “You can’t fire them?” Then Sarah said, “I don’t know. I got fired from mowing the lawn.”
  • 33:30 Rachel: I guess if they’re doing a bad job at something like a chore. The more valuable thing would be to show them how to do it better and give them more chances.

Roles

  • 33:48 Ben: One of the more difficult things to do as a parent is to delegate tasks and to teach autonomy. We encounter situations daily where it’s just easier for us to do something for them, even though they can do it for themselves or they’re capable of learning how to do it for themselves. One of the things we miss when we don’t teach them to do those things, when we don’t delegate authority or help them to have autonomy, is the benefit for them of knowing how to do those things. It’s not just about knowing how to do this thing, but it’s about adding value to the family.
  • 34:35 There is inherent worth, whether or not someone is able to contribute something to the family, but it’s also great for our children to experience what it’s like to contribute. They can say, “This thing wasn’t done before, and then I did it and now it’s done. That saved everybody time or made something easier for everybody, and I did that.”

It’s really valuable for kids to have the experience of having contributed to something.

  • 35:13 It’s important for us as the parents to guide that process of helping them discover the unique role they can play in the family, the different tasks they can take on. Over time, with them, we can define what that is. There is the logistical stuff, the day to day stuff, but I also love this idea of coming up with titles.
  • 35:48 Rachel: We’ve talked about this before. We evaluate their giftings and we give them specific titles within the family. Our oldest wants to be a cinematographer. One of the ways he can practice that is by telling the stories of our family. If he wants to be the family historian or something like that, he can produce a video that is about our family. That would be really valuable.
  • 36:19 Ben: In school, he’s in the Sage program. With his fellow classmates, they were given different roles, and he was given the role of class historian. It was really neat, because I can’t remember whether he chose that or someone chose that for him, but it was cool to see that it was consistent with what we’ve observed and what he’s told us about what he wants to be.
  • 36:56 Rachel: That’s what gave us the idea. Even in their classes at school, and this is a small class of individuals who do extra projects, they had assigned roles where they would do certain things. We’ve been having conversations about what our other kids could do based on what their giftings are and what their personality types are and those sorts of things.
  • 37:27 Ben: For your family goals, you might find that there are different roles each person can play in the pursuit of a specific goal. In the underlying family values, there are roles everyone plays to fulfill the values of the family. A given person in a family could fill a handful of roles. It’s not necessarily that this is just the one role that you play.
  • 37:59 Rachel: I am the dishwasher. That’s one of my roles, for now. I don’t trust the boys to wash dishes yet. They can load the dishwasher.
  • 38:08 Ben: Rachel doesn’t have to wear a name tag that says, “Rachel Toalson, dishwasher.” That could be fun, too. That might make me want to rethink our system or rotating the chores. Maybe we’re making it hard on ourselves, because some of the kids really like sweeping, and some of them hate it.
  • 38:42 Rachel: They wouldn’t like it forever. Sweeping is the worst.

You Are the Manager

  • 39:03 Ben: Robert said, “I found that I think of myself as less of the owner/boss and more of the manager of my family business. I didn’t get to hire my kids. I don’t get to fire them. Ultimately, I don’t have the authority to make them do anything, but I have considerable influence and the appearance of authority, which helps me manage the day to day operations, enable my team to do their best work, and encourage them to develop and grow.”
  • 39:35 Whether you completely agree with the specific terminology of that statement, I love the idea of managing the operations, enabling the team to do their best work, and encouraging development and growth. The role a parent plays in their child’s life is several different hats. As a business grows, when it starts out, you’re filling a lot of different roles. Depending on how it grows and what the different challenges are, you’re faced with a lot of different decisions. When you’re dealing with children, at first, they’re definitely not capable of taking care of their own needs.
  • 40:26 They don’t understand the dangers of the world and things like that. As they get older, it’s almost like their intellect is ahead of their understanding of the risks. In some ways, that’s good, but in some ways that’s very challenging. It’s fun to think about the role we get to play as parents, seeing the potential our children have, seeing their ability, and giving them the space to make choices as they’re able to handle those. They should make mistakes, have experiences, and learn from them. It’s a really tough thing to balance. We’ll have to do a whole episode on that.

Clarification vs. Confrontation

  • 41:22 Levi said, “Clarification, not confrontation, is really helpful in my family with my relationship with soon-to-be wife. This, in a team setting, was huge for less friction and the ability to actually talk about tension or friction well as a team. It’s less of a business practice and more of a life practice. I definitely learned it better in a business and team setting.” This is the difference between sitting down and saying, “You’re doing this, I don’t like it, and it’s making things really difficult,” and having a teaching moment with your child. You can say, “When you do this, here are the consequences—not just for you, but here are the consequences for everybody else. This is what happens.” It’s a very different feeling. I love the idea of not having to approach something out of my personal feelings about it. It’s still hard not to do that.
  • 42:40 Rachel: One of the other aspects is trying to approach everything assuming good intent. That’s what I try to remember to do when kids are misbehaving. I believe the world could do with a lot more assuming good intent. People offend us all the time, and we get our feathers all ruffled. A lot of times, we’re just assuming something that’s not actually true. The same is true for our kids. When there’s some kind of misbehavior, we assume that they’re doing it because they’re defying us or they’re doing it just to do it, because they want to be a little jerk.

There’s always a reason for what our children do.

  • 43:32 Ben: It makes a difference when you put down your defenses, and I’ve seen this with the kids. I can approach them with this angry look on my face or with an inquisitive, curious look that says, “I’m really curious why you chose to do that.” That’s more seeking to understand the thinking and reasoning behind the choice instead of focusing first on how they need to do that differently next time.

Focusing With a Family

  • 44:04 Brandon Hopkins asked, “I just had a son 19 days ago.” Congratulations! “And this is my first child. I’m also in the early stages of the Overlap Technique,” which is something we talk about on the seanwes podcast quite a bit. It’s this idea that if you’re trying to start a business or you’re pursuing a freelance career, you still work a day job and you get your basic expenses covered so you’re not placing the burden of that on the business you’re trying to grow. He says, “Is there any advice you wish you had at this stage in regards to running your family like a business and staying on top of everything? I’m trying to recalibrate, but I fear that now my family growing, focus and structure will be harder to manage.”
  • 45:03 Yes, it will. I don’t want to encourage you to redouble your efforts and try to be more focused, but some of it comes down to adjusting your expectations. That was the thing I didn’t do very well when I first started my family. I knew that things would be different, but my expectations caused me to feel frustrated a lot of the time. What I wanted to happen and what I thought should happen with the band, for example, in terms of how often we were going going to be able to play and how logistically easy it would be to get the kids taken care of, my expectations were not very well calibrated to the reality of that situation. Talk to other people who have been in that situation before and hear from their experience to see how it is similar to yours.

When you first start a family, assume that it’s going to be a lot harder to get focus and structure than you think it will be.

  • 46:20 Rachel: If you put in the work to do that, it’s entirely possible. People tell me all the time, “I don’t have the time, focus, or energy to write because I have kids to take care of.” I say, “It’s because you haven’t put the parameters around it that need to be put there. You haven’t fixed the structure. You haven’t put all the things in place that allow you to be able to do that.” There are things we can always do, but it just takes a lot more work and planning. If you’re not good at that, you better get good at it!
  • 47:00 Ben: It also may take you a lot longer to overlap into your business than you originally thought. Those are the expectations you want to adjust, but it is definitely possible.
  • 47:16 Rachel: I know that, for me, I don’t regret having six kids. They’ve opened so much more creativity, love, and beauty into the world because of who they are. People who are first having their kids think, “My whole life is going to change. I can’t do my job anymore as well as I did.” There are other things that children bring, much greater things than our expectations of what a dream is supposed to look like.
  • 47:56 Ben: Brandon also says, “I’m also in the process of trying to figure out how to schedule dedicated family time. I want to do this, so when it’s family time, I’m 100% focused on that and not half focused on them and half focused on the work I know needs to get done. Should I feel guilty, having to be structured with my family time?”
  • 48:15 Rachel: No way.
  • 48:24 Ben: You have some passion you’re pursuing, something you’re building into a business, and you absolutely love doing it. Most of the time, it still requires structure. There has to be some kind of structure that allows you to work toward your passion when things get tedious or when you don’t feel like doing it. There’s a difference between having a goal and wanting to do something as an overarching pursuit and the daily experience of going after it and how you feel from moment to moment. Being in a family is the same thing. There are times when I don’t feel like I want to be around my kids, but there is dedicated time set aside for us to spend time together.
  • 49:17 I know that even though I don’t feel like it, my overarching goal is for us to be closer as a family and to be more connected in our relationships. The structure helps me make the decision to make the most of that time when I don’t always feel like it. That accomplishes my bigger goal, which is more important. That was a long way of saying, “No, you shouldn’t feel guilty.” It’s actually very healthy.